Okay, okay…carry the one…and….YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
You almost feel bad for the Cubs fan, who may be the real life inspiration for Chicken Little.
Arguably, crime in our metro area can’t get any worse.
So St. Louis Cardinals fans have resorted knocking off people in other cities. Well, kinda.
This from today’s Chicago Tribune:
Police said they were looking into whether the shooting was gang-related. Police believe Colon belonged to a gang that apparently posted a video on YouTube two days ago, with one member flashing a gun and others yelling threats at a rival gang.
One of the men in the video had tattoos on his face and wore a black hoodie with a large yellow St. Louis Cardinals logo on the front. Another wore a red skull cap with the St. Louis Cardinals logo, similar to a hat worn by Colon in his Facebook photo. The gang wears clothes with the Cardinals logo because it is based along St. Louis Avenue, according to sources.
Face tats and Cardinals gear?? Yadier Molina is still at Spring Training, right?
We suppose the tie to St. Louis Avenue makes sense, although we don’t have any gangs off of Illinois Ave. in South City strutting around in Bulls and Cubs gear. Our thugs tote the “STL” proud in this neck of the woods. A more probable estimation is that these Chicagoan hooligans are the smartest criminals the Land of Lincoln has ever seen.
“Oh, a witness saw the shooter wearing a Cardinals hat? Eh, must be another St. Louisan visiting. Why can’t they just kill their own people? Detective Johnson, send another letter to that Mayor Slay nincompoop.”
Look for a budding Chicago alderman to get behind the aforementioned clothing details and act swiftly; propose a ban of all Cardinals clothing in that ward. The Cardinals don’t visit Wrigley until May 7th this season, so he has a little time.
Then, if the gangbangers start wearing Jeff Fisher mustaches instead, we’ll know they’re DEFINITELY tied to St. Louis Avenue. It’s all conjecture at this point.
Like many sluggers of his era, Sosa is attempting to rehab his steroid-tainted image, and apparently this was the next best thing to becoming someone’s major league hitting coach.
Now, the vast majority of you gentlemen out there are probably thinking, “What is this Pinterest I keep hearing about from women and self-aggrandizing social media gurus?”
Please allow me explain. Pinterest is actually just a web site. A web site you’ll think is really stupid. Now that you’re up to speed on what Pinterest is, back to Sosa.
The best part about Sosa’s Pinterest page is that most of its visitors are using it solely as an opportunity to rip on him. Of course, when it’s loaded with images of Sosa posing “naturally” like this one, how can you not?
Approximately 90 percent of Sammy’s “pins” feature him in a pukey mustard sweater, resulting in comments ranging from wondering if he’s now a real estate agent to questioning his manhood.
I especially like the “Whaddya say you and me polish my desk?” remark. Perhaps Sammy’s former Cub teammate, Moises Alou, can help with that.
Some of the rest of the highlights include shots at Sosa’s Ken doll-esque hairdo:
And visits from infamous serial killers like the Son of Sam (oh, the irony):
And of course, the obligatory comments on performance enhancing drugs.
Sosa’s association with steroids isn’t the only thing that’s damaged his image though. Apparently, he’s also a few dozen molested kids and nose jobs shy of being confused with the King of Pop.
Yes, this is the real Sammy Sosa. And this is his Pinterest.
Over the past 48 hours, many have weighed in with their personal takes on what Stan Musial meant to the game of baseball, the city of St. Louis and humanity in general. Frankly, we can’t get enough of it.
Considering Musial was overshadowed for most his life, it’s somewhat ironic that gestures from those outside of St. Louis have left such a resounding impact. 24-year old Nationals phenom Stephen Strasburg sent his condolences; as did Twitter founder Jack Dorsey. Comedian Daniel Tosh posted a childhood photo of himself with The Man. Heck, “Stan Musial” even trended worldwide on Twitter.
But the remembrance that held the most gravitas came from the most unlikely of sources.
That’s Murphy’s Bleachers on Waveland Ave in Chicago, which sits approximately 20-feet from Wrigley Field. Enemy territory. Walk anywhere near this location wearing red and white and you’ll be scrubbing Old Style out of your clothes the following morning.
Nevertheless, this Cubs haven swallowed their hatred for anything and everything St. Louis to pay respect to the icon that is Stan Musial.
Well played, Chicago. Well played.