Tatis Twitter Art Gallery Unveils Latest Masterpiece

About a year ago, we introduced you to the Fernando Tatis Twitter Experience. Although it has been around for a while now, the former Cardinal recently unveiled his latest work of art, and despite his immeasurable talents, not everyone is aware of this burgeoning young artist. So this seemed like a good time to revisit the subject, just in case you’re not following him.

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Like any great work of art, the piece, which Fernando calls “Business Casual,” could be interpreted any number of ways. The literalists among us might point out that the subject, Tim Tebow, is currently not playing professional football, and in fact has signed on to become an analyst on ESPN’s new SEC Channel, which will obviously require him to wear a suit. And perhaps, when he’s relaxing around the house, Tebow still wears his No. 15 Denver Broncos jersey. There are certainly plenty of those left in circulation.

A more conceptual interpretation might be that the work is a reflection of the artist’s own innermost thoughts and desires. Perhaps the subject is Fernando himself. To the laymen’s eye, the giant cheeseburger heads might denote a heavy influence on the artist by Mayor McCheese. The more experienced Tatis art connoisseur realizes this is yet another expression of his fondness for Wendy’s.

To avoid any confusion, now might be a good time to point out a few things you should know in order to fully appreciate Fernando’s work.

1) Tim Tebow is a constant source of inspiration. Despite the fact that he’s basically been out of football for two years, the former college star continues to stir Fernando’s creative juices.

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During the Broncos 24-17 divisional playoff win over the San Diego Chargers on Jan. 12, Tatis posted this piece just prior to the fourth quarter, seemingly forgetting that “Tebow Time” is no longer a thing.

A few weeks later, with the Broncos down big at the half in the Super Bowl, Fernando had some unconventional advice for Denver head coach John Fox, expressed via this piece of “found art.”

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No such advice was given to his old team during the World Series. Instead, Fernando played it pretty straight.

2) Fernando the artist has a deep-seated affinity for Wendy’s. A characteristic underscored by an unwavering reverence for its founder, the late Dave Thomas, who is the featured drummer in the imaginary band, The Fernando Four.

3) Fernando’s work projects a certain kind of child-like innocence, not dissimilar to that of a Norman Rockwell painting. For parents of young children, it’s important to resist the urge to print it out and stick it on your fridge. Case in point, this piece inspired by the exceedingly harsh winter:

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4) Every once in a while Fernando will step out of his comfort zone of Wendy’s, Tim Tebow, and zoo animals, and dabble in abstract expressionism.

Now, some say the Fernando Tatis Twitter account is fake. But you know, they say the same thing about Jerry Springer and pro wrestling. I ask you, does it really matter? The important thing is that we like watching fat, ignorant rubes pull on each other’s hair in front of a screaming crowd.

If you’d really like a window into Fernando’s mind, he actually offers it up in one of his more famous works.

As a side note, this one has to be is my personal favorite. Leave it to an artist to recognize true beauty.

ESPN’s Kenny Mayne Takes Up Super Bowl Saturday Fight

Since 2006, I have argued that the Super Bowl should be moved to SATURDAY.  And whether you want the Monday afterward made into a national holiday, which will never happen, or to move the game to Saturday – it just makes sense to move the game from Sunday.

But let’s cut to the chase about why: It’s an argument for alcoholism as on the day that’s essentially become an American national holiday, we drink, eat, we drink more, we digest venison chili, and the next day we really suck at work and just want to recover and talk about what a letdown the game was.

Now ESPN’s Kenny Mayne has jumped into the discussion and taken up the mantle at MoveTheBigGame.com.

“I’ve been reporting on sports for what feels like 56 years and I can say without question that the Super Bowl is every bit as big as the Grey Cup – don’t ever question me,” said Mayne, while wearing a pair of pants. “But having the big game on Sunday is about as relevant as something not relevant. It’s time to move the Super Bowl to Saturday and I’m doing it with the help of CafePress because they care about America because they’re the most Americanized American place on the Internet machine pretty much, well, ever.”

Visit MoveTheBigGame.com and you can find a very funny video (below) of Mayne beating the streets of New York to make his argument, along with a point-by-point outline and links back to CafePress.com merchandise supporting the movement.  Check it out:

Missouri is nothing if not loyal.

ESPN’s SportsNation released a digital survey yesterday that asked a very simple question.

“Which team will win the SEC Championship game in Atlanta: Auburn or Missouri?”

Given that the teams have similar 11-1 records and both are coming off an impressive finish this season, an outside observer would likely guess that this question is a toss-up with potential favoritism leaning towards Auburn since they knocked off Alabama this past Saturday.

Alas, that’s not how it worked out.

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Aw, good ole Missouri.

Even Alaska isn’t convinced of Gary Pinkel’s squad, but the bigger story is that they have the internet up there.  Who knew?

We sifted through our archives and discovered that this isn’t the first time the state of Missouri remaining staunchly loyal in their online polling and if history is any indicator, the SEC Championship game should end well for citizens of the Show Me State.

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Writers Blow a Gast-ket Composing Headlines

Cardinals’ rookie John Gast made his major-league debut Wednesday night in a 10-4 win over the Mets. With a surname that begs to be both punned and rhymed, it was no surprise to see a few headlines that were just a little bit, well, Gast-ly.

After all, Gast is only one letter away from the word “gas”. Something the folks at 101 ESPN noticed as well.

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In something of an upset though, many headline writers decided to unleash their inner poet after the game, as per this example from STLToday.com.

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The most egregious offender though had to be the major league baseball itself, starting with this entry, which couples the power of rhyme with just a hint of flatulence.

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But that was nothing compared to this next headline, which could have come straight out of a Dr. Seuss book.

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I do not like headlines with ham. I do not like them, Sam I Am.

As one might expect, once a general public is bombarded with rhymes and puns, eventually this sort of thing starts trickling into online forums.

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Which lead to this interesting comment:

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On second thought, I think I could tolerate a million puns if Gast had an arm like Cincinnati’s Aroldis Chapman.

Some more headlines we definitely expect to see before John Gast’s career is done.

“John Turns in a Gastly Performance”
“Cardinals Run Out of Gast Against Reds”
“Miller Just Passed Gast for Team Lead in Wins”
“Cardinal Fans A-Gast Over Situation in Middle East”
“Gast from the Past: John Returns to Busch as Marlin, Topples Cards”