We’re very excited to bring you another round of St. Louis sports Valentine’s Day cards. Instead of going with a traditional holiday card format, we decided to leverage the fantastic “Rookies” iPhone app to create actual “baseball cards”. That means, for some of the cards below, they’re cards of Cards cards. Triple “cards” action.
In an unexpected and rather transparent gambit to dethrone Mike Matheny as the undisputed king of #MCM (Manager Candy Monday), the Detroit Tigers have hired Brad Ausmus as the team’s next manager. Well played, Tigers, but as Ric Flair famously said “To be the man, you must beat the man.” While both men are certainly easy on the cleat chasing eyes, there can be only one #MCM champ.
The challenger: – Bradley David Ausmus, age 44, 5’11”, and 200 pounds. Played 18 seasons as a big league catcher, won 3 Gold Glove awards, and has a distinguished and confident aura.
The champion: Michael Scott Matheny – age 43, 6’3″ tall, and 210 pounds. Played 13 seasons as a catcher, won 4 Gold Glove awards, and has that LL Bean model hair and swoon factor going for him.
Matheny looks like the handsome dentist that has ladies flossing every day and twice on Sundays. Ausmus looks like someone who just tried pitching a tent on a beach while filming a Cialis commercial. When it comes to the 162-game grind, which would you rather have calling plays from your dugout?
When thinking about some of the storylines surrounding Mike Matheny as he transitions into his second full season as manager of the St. Louis Cardinals, we couldn’t help but notice that more than a few of them synced with lyrics from classic rock songs.
And what better way to communicate something old, like classic rock lyrics, than by juxtaposing it with something new? And with that, we give you the horrific bastard child result: Mike Matheny Classic Rock Internet Memes.
I’ve got a question for you: About how many times last season would you say you heard Matheny described as a “rookie that had never before managed any team at any level” – be it pro, college, even little league? Maybe thirteen, fourteen thousand times? Fifteen thousand?
No matter what happens in 2013, at least we’ll never hear that again. Sure, he’s not exactly the managerial equivalent of a 42 year-old junk-tossing left-handed specialist that would make Tony La Russa drool worse than his bulldog, but at least now no one can say Matheny doesn’t have any experience. And we think he should be proud of that.
Moreover, this offseason proved a rather quiet one in St. Louis. The most significant departures from a roster standpoint were Lance Berkman, Chris Carpenter, and Kyle Lohse. The first two guys barely played last year. And technically, Lohse could still end up wearing the (now slightly larger) birds on the bat.
The Cardinals are basically the same team that came within one win of a second consecutive World Series trip. Barring massive injuries, there won’t be many changes to the lineup, rotation or the bullpen. Thus, at least for Matheny:
Speaking of injuries, the Cardinals skipper himself has already landed on the DL, undergoing surgery March 11 to repair a ruptured disk in his lower back.
But being the hard-nosed, tough guy he is, Matheny returned to the dugout just days later, and apparently, his normal routine.
Yes, life’s been good to you so far, Mike. I’ve got more than a feeling 2013 will be pretty good, too.
This week, we go back to our Fly on the Wall who found himself in the board room where men who are responsible for launching the new can’t-miss radio station called 1380 The Woman talked strategy.
Additionally, we chat with Zach McCrite from 101 ESPN. He’s host of the “Zach and Rammer Show” every day from 9 am to 11 am and a huge “Seinfeld” fan. He also wasn’t born in St. Louis, which means…a.) he probably doesn’t like provel cheese, and b.) he has a unique perspective of this city’s media. Right up our alley.
Total Running Time: 00:49:47
Atomic number: 38 (Strontium)
JoeSportsFan Original: inside audio at 1380 “THE WOMAN” (link)
Random yet contextual references: Dan Caesar, Mountain Dew, Todd Worrell, Jason Sehorn, Will Clark, Bruce Sutter, Andy Benes, Jason Isringhausen, Mike Matheny and John Mabry.
Links and things mentioned this episode:
Mountain Dew is officially “brominated” (link)
Todd Worrell’s mustache is pretty spectacular (link)
Just Todd Worrell with a ball in his glove; nothing significant (link)
A Milwaukee Brewers sausage costume went missing. (link)
Dan Caesar discusses 1380 AM’s new station entitled, “THE WOMAN” (link)
Last week, Dan Caesar announced that 590 KFNS and 1380 SHIT are undergoing a management and marketing shift while dividing and conquering the local radio demographic. We’re still not convinced that this isn’t an elaborate April Fool’s Day ploy, but moving forward, 590 AM will be known as “THE MAN” and 1380 AM will be known as “THE WOMAN”.
You see, “THE MAN” is going to talk about man things and “THE WOMAN” is going to talk about woman things. Mind: blown, right?
Perhaps the biggest issue is that radio guys think they know what men want to listen to; namely, locker room chatter and tons of veiled penis references. Can you imagine these same guys pondering over a radio lineup on 1380 “THE WOMAN”? Thankfully, we didn’t have to imagine…because we obtained EXCLUSIVE audio from their brainstorming session.
Note: this skit will appear in this week’s JoeSportsFan Show podcast. Check it out on Friday.
They’ve become a JoeSportsFan staple in recent years. Thus, we’re happy to present another round of exclusive Valentine’s Day cards. Pass them along to that special someone on Thursday. Man, woman, cute dog, whatever*. They’ll appreciate it. Trust us.
* We will not attend parent/teacher conferences if you child distributes these at school.