Babies Breathe Sigh of Relief Following Illini Tournament Exit

The NCAA tournament and ramps back up tonight, but there won’t be any local entrees available on the menu of games. Missouri, SLU and Illinois all made abrupt exits from the big dance last week as had predicted.

Of those three, it has become abundantly clear, that for the sake of babies everywhere across the Land of Lincoln, it was a good thing Illinois lost its hard fought battle with Miami to advance to the Sweet Sixteen.

Want proof of this theory? Well, now that the regular college basketball season is over, the Big Ten Network has commenced its customary assault on viewers with its unlimited arsenal of “B1G Classic” games. Just try and argue that newborns aren’t safer with Illinois out of contention after watching this clip of the famed 1989 Flyin’ Illini team that eventually reached the Final Four:

I don’t know what that baby is doing now, most likely working as a civil engineer. But I’d bet that baby grew up to be one of those people that can sleep anywhere. Man, I envy those people.

Anyway, maybe this video only confirms what most Missouri fans have long suspected: that most die-hard Illini fans were either shaken or dropped as newborns.

It also jogs the memory of a related incident that occurred last spring when a rabid Illini fan used his newborn to – all of things – procure an autograph from Illini offensive lineman Graham Pocic.


You win back-to-back bowl games in consecutive years for the first time in school history, and all of a sudden people are signing babies. Oh, the humanity.

Yes, it’s a good thing the Hurricanes held on last Sunday. If there’s one thing incidents like this prove it’s that Excited Illini fans = Baby Abuse.