Desperate for work Shelby Miller submits resume to Cardinals

After several failed attempts to draw attention to his body of work via Powerpoint presentations and fruit baskets, Shelby Miller has resorted to applying for his own job.  Submitted just hours ago, Miller’s rather impressive resume provides compelling evidence that he has recently excelled at throwing a baseball.

Given the current condition of the St Louis Cardinals, one would think that a person which such a promising skill set would be deemed useful.  Maybe not.  In hopes of alerting current management to his presence Shelby passed along the following resume with a cover letter to Mike Matheny and John Mozeliak – both of whom we believe have actually met Mr. Miller.


We do not yet know whether the resume was rejected or not, because this was the last thing Shelby sent before his company email account was deactivated.