The Weekly Hypothetical: Shame a friend by forcing him to wear any personalized jersey on Opening Day.
2012
It’s time for another installment of The Weekly Hypothetical, which gives you a chance to interact here as well as on our weekly podcast. While everyone gets accustomed to the process, here’s how it works: (1) we pose a question, (2) you answer the question, (3) we give away a prize to the best answer on our weekly podcast.
Pretty simple, eh? We received a cornucopia of witty and intelligent responses last week. Frankly, you filthy animals dominated our hosts’ answers on Episode One. Shout out to @FendiHotdogbun, who reigns as the returning champ.
Now, it’s time to question your intellect and challenge your maturity. Again.
Bring it, kids. You can win, um, stuff. Cool stuff.
Episode Two’s question:
“You and friend conducted some hectic Winter wagering. You took turns upping the ante and now it’s come down to this: the loser has to wear a personalized jersey of the other guy’s choice to Opening Day at Busch Stadium. Everything is in play. Cardinals jerseys, non-Cardinals jerseys. Fictional last names, non-fictional last names. Your call.
Who are you choosing and why?”
You can participate in Episode Two’s Weekly Hypothetical one of three ways.
1.) Leave a comment below.
2.) Email us: theshow@joesportsfan.com.
3.) Send us a message on Twitter at @JoeSportsFan.
Heck, if you’re feeling extra saucy, hashtag your response with #JSFHypothetical.
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I have a few:
Mizzou baseball jersey – kuck fansas
Cards – Seymour Butts
Cubs – Losing since 1908
Its gotta be a Tripp Cromer Jersey
I would choose the name Bartman and make him wear the headphones. Granted this would be awesome most of the time, but it would be 100x more awesome given that our home openener is against Bartman’s beloved Cubbies. Now that would be pure humor to see my buddy get ripped by Cubs fans and celebrated by Cardinals fans. Plus it just keeps reminding the Cubs fans of their misery.
Slay
13
I’d have him wear an Arizona jersey with D’Fronts as the personalized name, and then he would have to wear it backwards. On his chest: D’Fronts. On his back: D’Backs
Make him wear a Cubs jersey with “Blagojevich” on back. That jersey will manage to offend every demographic at Busch next Friday.
Rod Smart’s “He Hate Me,” #30, from the Las Vegas Outlaws of the XFL.
A KC Royals Denkinger uni
Dan McLaughlin #80 then slap on a lbs. Only
Because I love Dan
A cardinals “high 5″ or “green 420″ simple and gets the point across you’re a douche.
Brandon Phillips and/or Johnny Cueto jersey….no more hated current MLB players in St. Louis
Vaughn – 99 or Rowengartner – 1. And to satisfy the debt he has to act extremely proud of the choice the entire day.
The pink Mike Laga jersey.
Lets keep this simple, if you lose a bet you must pay. Going to Opening Day is fun, so we’d have to make this very uncomfortable. I’d say a Cubs hat with a brand new Pujols Halos uni would do the trick. It says, “I’m a Cubs fan, but also a dick with some disposable income.” In addition, every time he attempts to order a beer he must ask for an Old Style. If that isn’t an uncomfortable afternoon at Busch, I don’t know what is.
To ensure total humiliation and non-stop pestering, jeers, and yelling by others in the stands, it’s got to be a Nyjer Morgan jersey. That, or a Tino Martinez jersey, possibly Khalil Greene…
How has no one said this…? “Cards Fan”. Number? 1, of course. Even if people don’t get the inside joke, he’ll be ridiculed for a) looking like a d-bag, and b) defiling an Ozzie Smith jersey.
Easy, Slaten #590, Cardinal’s Jersey. Long live the King of bringing the heat against the Cardinals regime, and had to endure a lawsuit by Dave Duncan and Tony LaRussa would never appear on his show. Slaten once referred to ushers as KGB undercover for fan sign privelages, referenced LaRussa as LaGenius, and the regime as the Moscow Kremlin. So, I’m sure if you where his Jersey in a Cardinal uniform representing 590 KFNS, you may get a few of those triple carpe diems or a beer poured on your head, or an aggravated assault charge.
I’d be nice enough to let him wear a Cards jersey but it would say “that guy”. He would also have to carry a microphone. I figure fans are drunker than usual bc of the fabulous opening day activities and i might be able to convince them that he is that douche that makes fans do ridiculous competitions at the game. I bet we could get people to do some pretty fabulous things for a chance to be on the jumbotron. not only does my friend HATE him but I’d also have an opportunity to make some fabulous videos for YouTube,
Angels jersey with name “God Told Me To” and the number 5.
I’d go with a Cubs jersey with the number “103″ and the name “ANDCOUNTING”, and the loser would have to sit in front of at least 100 Cubs fans, because that increases the odds that 2 or 3 of them are literate.
Pretty easy, how bout a red shirsey personalized to say “Booty Lover” with 69 as the number on it.
You would want the number “33″ if the name was “booty lover”
I’d have it be a Cardinals jersey, the name would read- http://www.JCOnTheLine.com
And the number be 50/50
I would have the number be 2 and the name above be “I need to take a No.”
I’d have my buddy wear a Cubs-era Carlos Zambrano jersey. First guy to ask “why” gets threatened with violence. Then my buddy would leave the stadium. He would return only minutes later and act confused when someone brings up the incident.
Tim Tebow Rams jersey. Wearing a jersey from another sport is always disgraceful. Putting Tebow on the back just clarifies your douchiness.
Ah yes, and for the topical Pujols ranters: Angels jersey with “Rally Mongey” and “5″ OR “Alcántara” and “99.1″ if you want a dash of subtlety.
A ’95-’98 Black Blues jersey with “GRISWOLD #00″, doesn’t get any more humiliating.
#86 Rae Carruth. If it’s a particularly warm day, I’d go with former Baylor power forward, #23 Carlton Dotson. Blood stains optional but strongly encouraged.
You must throw in a Leonard Little jersey, too.
If you go with the Little jersey, you must get blackout drunk and insist on driving home in front of a large group of people.
Easy . . . Glen Featherstone. #34 was a turd on the ice if there ever was one.
Jumping on the death bandwagon, have your buddy wear the Nets #55 of Jayson Williams along with a chauffer cap.
Pujols jersey with the name crossed out in Sharpie and Edmonds wrote underneath. #1 added in Sharpie before the 5. Oh, and of course the said jersey would be cut into a half shirt baring the belly in true Edmonds fashion.
for all you Seinfeld lovers out there how about a NY Yankees Gendason jersey
Angels jersey
“Im Rich”
5