Weekly Hypothetical: Name your restaurant’s signature dish after an STL athlete


We’ve often found that on some nights, the only thing that can improve a summer evening in front of the TV watching a Birds game is adding about 20 more TV’s, a few cold ones and a constant temptation to order a plate full of deep fried goodness.

Ah, sports bars sure know how to lure us in.

Besides providing walls of flat screens, ample supply of alcohol and serving a multitude of things acceptable to dip into ranch dressing, one thing that most establishments of this nature have agreed on is that menu items sell better with puntastic names.

This trend was one that we felt needed to be explored in this week’s Weekly Hypothetical.

Without further ado, let’s get jiggy with it.

Aside from dabbling in baseball fanaticism, you’re also a restaurant tycoon preparing for the grand opening of your newest sports establishment. Like most sports-themed eateries, the key to your success is loading your menu with items cleverly named after players from the local teams.

What will be the name of your signature dish?”

We’ll read the best answers on Episode Seven of The JoeSportsFan Show.  You can participate one of three ways.

1.) Leave a comment below.

2.) Email us: theshow@joesportsfan.com.

3.) Send us a message on Twitter at @JoeSportsFan.

If you’ve got a thing for Twitter hashtags, slap #JSFHypothetical on your response.




  • “The Sandfrog” -a shot named after Scott Spiezio. It’s actually just 1 part Tequila, 1 part olive oil. I’m pretty sure that’s what he put in his hair.

  • BroJammerJosh says:

    Rafael Furcalamari. A Latin twist on this Italian favorite. Our octopus is fried with a hint of lime and a side of pico de gallo. Goes great with a margarita!!!

  • Ted says:

    The “Jose Oquendo”…it’s a chorizo link that literally looks like a piece of crap, but somehow exceeds your expectations…just like Jose.

  • Eddie says:

    The “LaRussa Dog”. It’s all vegan and is served with organic ketchup, whole grain mustard, and mango relish. It comes with sunglasses specifically designed to wear at night and a “Smooch Your Pooch” t-shirt.

  • shea801 says:

    So Tasushi – only on the menu as a special. Doesn’t excite upon initial tasting, rather, its flavor grows the greater the occasion for the meal. But beware, at times it will leave you nauseous.

  • “Tater Tatis” – 8 tater tots (one for every RBI in the best inning of his career)- admittedly hard for me not to make a reference to that internet rumor that he and Joe Buck had an affair.

    “Al Mac-Guinness” – a glass of Guinness beer served in a stein so tall, it will make your retinas detach

  • Joe says:

    Mangdoza Moro de Habas – only $1.98 while supplies last.

  • Dennis says:

    “PuPu Platter” which would consist of nothing but various forms of deep fried excrement and would cost $2.40 for a set of 10. Ideally, it would be served by Dan Lozano’s female escorts and walked very, very slowly to the table.

  • Dave says:

    The “Steven Jackson 5 Way” – Braided pasta (in honor of his hair), chili, onion, pepper-jack cheese, and jalapeños. This dish will run right through you.

    I threw in a Jackson 5 reference just for the lulz.

  • Sarah says:

    The Matheny Makes Me Melt

    No description necessary.

  • Austin says:

    JoeGurt – It’s a tube of yogurt, that you can take on the go. Celebrities, such as Artie Lange, eat this up. Best part about this dish? It only costs a Buck.

  • Bugz says:

    The Highmark (Scott Highmark) – Made from the White Widow in my Amsterdam coffee shop.

  • Begin with the Jeff Suppan Salad. A boring but consistent starter to any meal.

    On to a Drew’s Stew. A tasty, meaty gravy featuring five exquisite flavors. Consists of lean beef and fresh vegetables. A hot seller. However, it’s only available every two out of three days.

    Wash it all down with a Bob Tewksbury Sangria. A red wine with a berry blend, infused with a blackberry liqueur.

  • GIBR171 says:

    Had Albert still been here and hitting near the “Mangdoza Line”, his signature dish would be “Chopped Liver”!

  • Andrew says:

    The King’s Delight – A Ray King sized portion of the menu: the left side. On one plate. Topped with a deep fried twinkie.

  • shea801 says:

    Soup – Forscht: a hearty, and consistent stew
    Main Course – Zeile Parmigiana: not to overpowering of a dish, but flavorful. Been on the menu for a long time at various chain locations.
    Desert – Brain Freese: 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream served in an Octoberfest brew.

  • Fendi Hotdogbun says:

    Chicken of the Seabol

  • Harrison says:

    The Baby Backes Ribs. Nothing would be more American than combining sweet, tender, and delicious BBQ ribs with that of the name of an US-born athlete who plays hockey by day and fights Canadians by night. Customers (male or female) who fail to eat this assortment of Americana will automatically deemed un-American and labeled another victim in David’s conquest of protecting STL from our friendly neighbors to the north.

  • James in Wichita says:

    For the diet (or fashion) conscious:
    Jim Edmond’s “half skirt” steak

  • Will says:

    The Oshie Broshie – This drink is for any guy that patrols the bar, trying to pick up cheap floozies to bring back to your bachelor pad. You just combine cheap beers- most likely Natty Light and Pabst Blue Ribbon- and spray the cup with some Axe Body Spray. Irresistible.

    Scrappy 2nd’s – This plate is for all the short, white guys that have graced the Cardinals playing field this past decade. The likes of Aaron Miles, David Eckstein, Nick Punto, David Descalso, and the likes. You basically get the scraps from the plates of the patrons who didn’t finish all of their food and combine them all onto one plate. Why have one really good meal when you can have 5 good meals on one plate?

  • Greetings says:

    BuritElliot – 2nd String meat will guarantee that later, although you thought you stopped it, it will trickle through your 5-hole.

  • RamPage95 says:

    Buck’s Buck. Specially seasoned deer meat named after the great announcer Jack Buck. Also comes in the Baby Buck (Joe), which coincidently only costs a Buck.

  • Dathan says:

    I’d make mine a drink, so that folks could order it no matter what they felt like eating.

    The signature drink? Strawberry Laga-rita. Pink. See what I did there?

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