Where Have All the Flowers Gone, Keith Hernandez?

Last fall, Keith Hernandez shaved his mustache for charity, an act that prompted the Joe’s resident doctor, Aaron Perlut, to claim that the Cardinals’ 1979 Co-MVP had become some sort of living zombie, or android.

At the time, Hernandez pledged to stay follicle-free through the duration of the baseball season, saying he would use the long, cold winter to decide whether or not the mustache – famed star of sitcoms, commercials, and children’s shows – would rise again like a spring flower.


Well, spring is finally here, and as you can see from the above photo, taken from a recent Cardinals-Mets spring training game, Hernandez’s nose garden is empty, so it appears as though he decided to stay with the Chihuahua look (Hernandez is the one on the right, the other hairless guy is SNY play-by-play announcer Kevin Burkhardt – without the mustache it’s kind of difficult to tell, especially if you’re not wearing your bifocals, grandpa).


But wait, look a bit closer. Could it be that the bloom on this hibiscus is a dud? Could it be like the Seinfeld episode not starring Keith Hernandez, where Elaine’s swimmer boyfriend decides to stop shaving his head, only to discover that he’s going bald?


Until and unless we see his mustache restored to its once proud and glorious state, we’ll all just have to wonder, why the white-speckled stubble? In the meantime, count on Joe Sports Fan – your source for all things Keith Hernandez (at least of late anyway) – to be on top of this rapidly growing story.

Submit a Comment