There are St. Louis Cardinals fans (correction: murderers) in Chicago!
Arguably, crime in our metro area can’t get any worse.
So St. Louis Cardinals fans have resorted knocking off people in other cities. Well, kinda.
This from today’s Chicago Tribune:
Police said they were looking into whether the shooting was gang-related. Police believe Colon belonged to a gang that apparently posted a video on YouTube two days ago, with one member flashing a gun and others yelling threats at a rival gang.
One of the men in the video had tattoos on his face and wore a black hoodie with a large yellow St. Louis Cardinals logo on the front. Another wore a red skull cap with the St. Louis Cardinals logo, similar to a hat worn by Colon in his Facebook photo. The gang wears clothes with the Cardinals logo because it is based along St. Louis Avenue, according to sources.
Face tats and Cardinals gear?? Yadier Molina is still at Spring Training, right?
We suppose the tie to St. Louis Avenue makes sense, although we don’t have any gangs off of Illinois Ave. in South City strutting around in Bulls and Cubs gear. Our thugs tote the “STL” proud in this neck of the woods. A more probable estimation is that these Chicagoan hooligans are the smartest criminals the Land of Lincoln has ever seen.
“Oh, a witness saw the shooter wearing a Cardinals hat? Eh, must be another St. Louisan visiting. Why can’t they just kill their own people? Detective Johnson, send another letter to that Mayor Slay nincompoop.”
Look for a budding Chicago alderman to get behind the aforementioned clothing details and act swiftly; propose a ban of all Cardinals clothing in that ward. The Cardinals don’t visit Wrigley until May 7th this season, so he has a little time.
Then, if the gangbangers start wearing Jeff Fisher mustaches instead, we’ll know they’re DEFINITELY tied to St. Louis Avenue. It’s all conjecture at this point.