Introducing the St. Louis Sports Master of Disguise
Just take a stroll around downtown pretty much any time day or night, and you’re bound to happen upon one of the unique cast of characters that call St. Louis home.
(Editor’s Note: Be careful taking a stroll in downtown St. Louis at night.)
That’s what we were doing when we happened upon this individual, who definitely falls into the category of what JSF calls the “Sports Guybrid.“
And while he certainly qualifies as a man capable of pledging allegiance to multiple teams at one time, the mere label of sports guybrid doesn’t seem to do him justice. He’s taking sports guybrid-ness to a whole new level.
This guy is more like the Zartan of St. Louis sports, given the litany of accessories on his person: the Oakleys, the batting gloves, the tights, the Samba classics. He can adapt to any environment, blend in with any St. Louis sports crowd.
Cardinals game? Check. Rams tailgate? Check. Impromptu 100-meter dash? Check. Indoor soccer game? Got that one covered too. I could even see him spontaneously breaking into a floor exercise – and being pretty damn good at it.
Is he also an expert in ventriloquism? A master escape artist? Proficient in several disciplines of martial arts? This we do not know, but we hope that, in time, we come to find out.
For a man wearing tights in broad daylight, he was sort of a contemptuous fellow. When asked to explain his duds, he simply stated, “I am a fan of all St. Louis sports teams.” He would not give us his name.
So in honor of Zartan’s favorite ride – the Swamp Skier – we’re just going to call him “The Chameleon”, and humbly submit him alongside other unofficial super fans like Towel Guy and Die Hard Cards Fan, where we feel he rightfully belongs.
Did he participate in a government experiment that infused him with chameleon DNA? Probably not, but I wouldn’t bet against it.