The Brewers ’10 Bobblehead Schedule is Indicative of their Suckiness


It’s not an exact science, but the composition of a baseball team’s Bobblehead giveaway schedule is usually tied directly to their recent success.

That’s right.  Bobbleheads.

For the Cardinals, their ’10 promotional schedule includes Bobblehead giveaways for current ace Chris Carpenter as well as Hall of Fame inductee Whitey Herzog and speedster Vince Coleman as part of a 25th anniversary celebration for 1985 – which was, well, one heck of a year.

The Milwaukee Brewers haven’t enjoyed quite the success of the Cardinals since the ’82 World Series in which they met.  You want numbers?  Fine.

The Brewers have been through 12 coaches since ’82.  The Cardinals have been through 5 (counting interims Red Schoendienst in ’90 and Mike Jorgensen in ’95).  Since ’82, the Cardinals have had 19 winning seasons and have been to the playoffs 10 different times.  The Brewers have had 9 seasons over .500 and have been to the playoffs exactly once since ’82.

And you know who has suffered the most?  Tiny porcelain figurines that rarely look anything like their human counterparts, that’s who.

Let’s take a brief stroll through the ’10 Milwaukee Brewers Bobblehead portfolio, shall we?

Bernie Brewer

Even though Bobbleheads were originally designed to mimic actual people, mascot Bobbleheads are a staple across baseball franchises.

Frankly, it works out better for everyone because the mascot figurines always look more realistic than the human ones.  And besides, Bernie Brewer is one of two MLB mascots that proudly dons a mustache (other: Cincinnati’s Mr. Redlegs).

That type of commitment needs to preserved.

The Racing Sausages

While the Cardinals iteratively delivered Bobbleheads for two franchise icons this year (Whitey Herzog and Vince Coleman), the Brewers have been rolling out finely crafted porcelain humans dressed as sausages throughout the past few years.

If you’re keeping track at home, that’s five total Bobbleheads given away this year in Milwaukee that don’t actually depict a human that actually plays baseball for, you know, their team.

Stupid Sausage Races.  Hey, at least it led to this fodder earlier in the season.

CC Sabathia

Because their last 28 years have been drastically underwhelming, the Brewers included a Bobblehead for their best player in each of the last four decades.  Namely, Hank Aaron (70′s), Cecil Cooper (80′s), Robin Yount (90′s) and coming up on August 29th, CC Sabathia (00′s).

That’s right.  CC Sabathia.

You know, that one guy that pitched a total of 17 games for the Brewers in ’08 and parlayed his late-season success into a massive free agent contract with the New York Yankees.


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