Redbird Man Vies for Distinction of Unofficial St. Louis Super Fan Status

The next time you enter Busch Stadium, look to the sky – or just the upper deck really. If you’re lucky, you might catch a glimpse of the latest potential St. Louis Super Fan soaring above the field of play, and by soaring above the field of play I mean lurking about the upper concourse.

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His name is Redbird Man. A (somewhat) ordinary human endowed with special abilities from the sun god Ra – as well as a whole lot of Johnnie Brocks cream makeup – his super powers include solar rays that shoot from his fists (like his counterpart, Birdman), a singing voice that would make an angel cry, and the ability to give everyone in his section a sense of  superiority.

Nevertheless, I use the term potential because, let’s face it:  The list of local, unofficial Super Fans just keeps getting longer. The old mainstays like Towel Man, Sign Guy, Die Hard Cards Fan, and Cardinals Cowboy have seen the arrival of plethora of relative newcomers like St. Louis Superman, Rasmus Girl, and The Chameleon. It must be something in the Mississippi River water. You know, like excess contaminated sediment.

Simply put, the days of any fool willing to expose his flabby pecks in public, don a pair of (multiple) tights, or dress in “redface” deserving the distinction and status of being an unofficial St. Louis Super Fan, are over.

As such, the St. Louis Sports Commission has tasked Joe Sports Fan to formalize the process, sift through the myriad of applicants and weed out the undesirables. Given our massive infrastructure and army of administrative staff, coupled with our vast expertise with the psychological phenomena that is fantardedness, this was a natural choice.

The first step in the process is for achieving potential super fandom? Fill out and submit a written application (in triplicate) requesting formal recognition of said unofficial super fan status – a task to which Redbird Man gladly obliged.

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(Click to enlarge)

From there some other stuff happens, I’m pretty sure it goes to some sort of board or a committee, where the applicant’s merit is discussed over rounds of tequila shots, before arriving in Mayor Slay’s mail sorter. Following several rounds of negotiations, bribes and payoffs, confirmation is received from the floor of the Missouri State Senate, and unofficial Super Fan status is granted.

In the case of Redbird Man, be sure to stay tuned to this website. We promise to keep you apprised of the process.

“BUTJOLS” makes another appearance

This week, the Cardinals embarked upon yet another home/home series with the Kansas City Royals.  Typically, that means “one home series for each team”, but for this particular series it means, “the Cardinals play in front of a home crowd in St. Louis and Kansas City”.

In 2011, we captured the gentleman below at Kaufmann Stadium in Kansas City.

Oh, that patchwork.  It looks like this guy constructed his product with a Swiss Army knife and a few safety pins.  And the two MLB logos on the collar are a nice touch.

This effort was good enough to land this fan in our “Hall of Fame“.

But a lot has changed since 2011.  Billy Butler is still kicking it with the Royals, but Albert Pujols is a lost artifact from the cross-state rivalry.  But that didn’t prevent this fan from making the rounds yet again this week at Kaufmann Stadium with the Cardinals in town.

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Odd habits die hard.

Namely, promoting horrific jersey concoctions and tucking said jerseys into khaki shorts.

It could be that our brain synapses are clogged with an overabundance of bro, but it appears that this is a different man than the one in 2011.  Did that man sell the jersey?  Did he have a friend that borrowed the jersey?  Is this a father/son combo with two different jerseys?

Oh, mind blown.

 

Writers Blow a Gast-ket Composing Headlines

Cardinals’ rookie John Gast made his major-league debut Wednesday night in a 10-4 win over the Mets. With a surname that begs to be both punned and rhymed, it was no surprise to see a few headlines that were just a little bit, well, Gast-ly.

After all, Gast is only one letter away from the word “gas”. Something the folks at 101 ESPN noticed as well.

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In something of an upset though, many headline writers decided to unleash their inner poet after the game, as per this example from STLToday.com.

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The most egregious offender though had to be the major league baseball itself, starting with this entry, which couples the power of rhyme with just a hint of flatulence.

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But that was nothing compared to this next headline, which could have come straight out of a Dr. Seuss book.

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I do not like headlines with ham. I do not like them, Sam I Am.

As one might expect, once a general public is bombarded with rhymes and puns, eventually this sort of thing starts trickling into online forums.

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Which lead to this interesting comment:

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On second thought, I think I could tolerate a million puns if Gast had an arm like Cincinnati’s Aroldis Chapman.

Some more headlines we definitely expect to see before John Gast’s career is done.

“John Turns in a Gastly Performance”
“Cardinals Run Out of Gast Against Reds”
“Miller Just Passed Gast for Team Lead in Wins”
“Cardinal Fans A-Gast Over Situation in Middle East”
“Gast from the Past: John Returns to Busch as Marlin, Topples Cards”

Want to Toss Out the First Pitch at a Cardinals Game? Here’s Your Chance

We’ve told you about Rally Saint Louis before. The St. Louis online platform where anyone can submit ideas to improve the region, and then allows people of all walks to help fund those ideas and help them come to fruition. Now comes one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities from Rally STL.

Have you ever wanted to throw out the first pitch at a Cardinals game in front of thousands at Busch Stadium? Well, here’s your chance.

On Sunday afternoon May 19, when the Cards play Milwaukee, it will also be Rally Saint Louis Day at Busch Stadium. The Rally STL team will be giving out free tees — generously donated by CafePress — in Ford Plaza located behind the bleacher seats in the outfield. Jason Falls Donationv2

Part of the day’s celebration will include a representative Rally Saint Louis throwing out the first pitch of the game. But the question for the folks at Rally STL is, “Who should do it?”

Who deserves to live the dream of tossing out the first ball at a Cards game?

Well St. Louis, like all things Rally STL, it’s up to you! Go to their blog post on it HERE and submit your best case for the most deserving St. Louisan in the comments below.

Make your pitch! And don’t screw it up.

KSDK, “Where the news comes first.”

In this age of a 24-hour news cycle, traditional outlets have to be on the top of their game when it comes to social media.  Tweets, Facebook updates, Instagram photos; it’s all part of providing unparalleled coverage for readers and viewers.

KSDK News Channel 5 in St. Louis is no different.  In fact, on Sunday they were breaking news when there wasn’t any.

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With the Cardinals in Milwaukee finishing up a four-game series against the Brewers, KSDK has you covered at Busch Stadium where nothing was happening.

At least, yet.

Tune in at 10 pm to find out more.

Side note: we owe you a beer, dizparks.

Enjoying the Fernando Tatis Twitter Experience

On this day, 14 years ago, the baseball world saw what might be one of the most spectacular innings in history when Fernando Tatis touched Chan Ho Park for not one, but two grand slams in an 11-run third.

To celebrate that night, we bring you what you’ve always wanted…Fernando Tatis’ Twitter feed.  We certainly aren’t the first to make note of this, but it’s gotten to the point where it’s earned a day in the spotlight.

The social media version of Fernando Tatis manages to straddle the line between “hey he’s just a normal guy” to “clearly this is a 7-year old kid pretending to be Tatis” with a little touch of “he might be retarded” sprinkled in for good measure.

In honor of the runs he batted in that one fateful inning, we bring you our 8 favorite Fernando Tatis posts.  Just to drive home the fact that it’s constant entertainment, we’ve only selected 8 from the last 72 hours…

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Ah yes, leave it up to the “grand slam hero” to fulfill your lifelong dream of being followed by him on Twitter for the mere price of a retweet.  And for the record, the photo that he attached is this. 2,000 followers is a heck of a milestone, Fernando.

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Not sure about you, but I’m seeing a veiled Mark McGwire reference somewhere in here.

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It may seem relatively simple to read this cute upside down tweet, but if you hold it up to a mirror, it actually reads “I ate Chan Ho Park’s heart with a fork”

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See, by now you probably think that you’re just seeing a goofy former ballplayer tossing out random commentary about life.  Wrong.  Now you’re seeing business ‘Nando.  Dude just blew the CEO of Chase Bank’s mind.

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That’s 7 RT’s of himself – one for every time he hears a gay rumor about him and Joe Buck during an average day.

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The weird part is that Fernando actually wrote a check to himself for this sponsorship.

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Ever wanted an awesome way to freak out a pizza man moments before you’re arrested for breaking and entering?  You’re welcome.

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You didn’t think he’d forgotten did you, Chan Ho?

PHOTOS: This is how you prevent field streaking.

Can we stop for a minute and collectively admit that not showing field rushers/streakers on network television is not preventing future acts of malfeasance?  Field rushers don’t care about television face-time.  Or jail time.  It’s about the thrill.  They care about eluding the (usually overweight) field security staff…and those guys aren’t going away any time soon.

Network television should use their resources to help detract field rushers.  Seeing a field rusher get tasered in the jugular…in super slo-mo…in high-definition…at various angles on network television…is going to stick in your mind the next time a few 16-ounce Busch tallboys are telling you to jump that rail.  Anyway, enough of this hullabaloo.

Busch Stadium saw their first field rushers of 2013 on Sunday afternoon and JSF’s Tim Day was there to capture the action again.  Seriously, Tim Day is doing the Lord’s work.  First the Bob Ramsey photo earlier this year, and now this (namely, the 4th pic down).  There’s no Pulitzer Prize for amazing photography that captures the seedy underbelly on St. Louis sports, but there damn well should be.

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David Freese Is One Jovial Fellow

Probably not dropping any huge bombshells here, but David Freese is one of the more gregarious and fun-loving players on the Cardinals’ roster in recent years.

Thrust into the spotlight following a superhuman performance in the 2011 playoffs, a big part of Freese’s appeal is his cheerful, happy-go-lucky personality.

This was on full display in a recent series of commercials to promote Homers for Health, a campaign to benefit Cardinal Glennon Children’s Foundation. Freese stars alongside Matt Holliday and Allen Craig in the commercials, which are often seen during telecasts on Fox Sports Midwest.

In one of the spots, Freese is supposed to laugh heartily at the absurdity of Adam Wainwright not pledging his support for the program even though it benefits kids, because he is a pitcher and, understandably, despises home runs.

The ad turned out great, but only after producers were able to cut out much of the incessant (and quite frankly, irritating) laughing by Freese.

As usual, Joe Sports Fan has made use of its many industry sources to obtain the original, uncut version of the commercial. See for yourself:

Thankfully, through the magic of video editing, the final version turned out much better. If only the same magic could be done for Keanu Reeves.