Top 5 Potential New St. Louis Blues Owners

17
Mar
2011

Late Wednesday, Bernie Miklasz of the Post-Dispatch reported that Dave Checketts, the face of the St. Louis Blues ownership group, is selling his shares of the organization.  In fact, Checketts says that the rest of the owners are willing to sell their shares as well.

While details of Checketts’ motive are still emerging, speculation for potential suitors is still minimal, so allow us to name a few logical possibilities.


Mike Keenan’s high-priced demeanor has accumulated quite the bankroll over the past three decades.  He’s currently preoccupied as an analyst for New York Rangers broadcasts, but ownership opportunities will have him itching for a return to St. Louis.

Iron Mike’s first order of business as the Blues new majority share-holder? Destroy the recently-erected Brett Hull statue in front of Scottrade Center.

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Dirt Cheap Cigarettes, Beer and Liquor have been premium advertisers of the Blues for years now.  And, why not?  It makes sense.  If there are two things hockey fans like more than the game itself, it’s beer and cigarettes.  Now is the time for Dirt Cheap to graduate from “premium advertiser” to “team owner”.

We can see it now.  Dirt Cheap purchases the naming right from Scottrade, so the Blues home effectively becomes, “The Dirt Cheap Center.”  They kick Louie to the curb and install the Dirt Cheap Chicken as the teams mascot, and then open a spanking-new downtown location in the renovated Kiel Opera House.  Now that would actually serve Blues fans and the local homeless.  It’s a win-win.

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The face of Ray Vinson Mortgage Group has already conquered the local real estate industry despite obvious hair plugs and a mean set of dentures, so why not test the waters of team ownership?

Besides, he already has a tremendous chemistry with Blues legend, Bernie Federko – which should bode well for organizational endeavors.  Experts say that draft preparation and marketing prowess are what leads an NHL organization to success, but for Ray it’s simpler than that.  High fives.  And popcorn.  Gotta have popcorn.

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St. Louis’ biggest attention whore this side of Tim McKernan is always looking for additional opportunities to put himself in the spotlight.

Towel Man obtaining ownership in his beloved team rivals Roger Dorn buying the Cleveland Indians in “Major League II”.  If you think Towel Man is unbearable in the nose-bleeds of Scottrade Center, wait until he declares his own Bobblehead night on January 23rd.

Get it?  1/23.  1-2-3?  Oh, that was gold, baby.

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Shahid Khan lost out on his desire to purchase the St. Louis Rams, so his interest in the Blues is obvious – especially since they play Stan Kroenke’s Colorado Avalanche four times per season.

But let’s be real, here. Khan makes sense as the Blues’ owner because he has a killer mustache.  Final research numbers are still pending, but early results reveal that 84.3% of Blues fans have mustaches.

92.9% have mullets.

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